The moment I love the most is when we sat next to the fire at night and ate marshmallow. We played duck, duck, goose game and there were a lot of people got hurt because of fell down when they were run around to fast. This camp fire also helps a lot of couples to have a romantic moment, but there were still some heartbroken and tears were sat next to the warm fire. About me, I feel really fun because this moment gives me a lot of new friends and Mr. Tim can find out that I can run fast not like when I run in his class.
The second moment that I can't forget is at night Mr. Patrick is my hero. He killed the spider for me. Do you know how scare I am that time? I was crying!! OMG Mr. Patrick thanks a lot even you don't teach me, but I know that you are a good teacher. ^_^ .
i give my self 10/12
ReplyDeleteMy spelling is accurate.I have used capitals correctly. Periods,commas, exclamation marks are in the right places.
My beginning gets the readers attention and gives clues about what is coming.
some of my sentece are smoth and natural but other are halting.i need to add word( therefore this reson... Whenthis happened..) to show how stenteces connect.I have used more words than neccessary- i still need to trim some deadwood.
I found it funny in yours. especially is about the romantic couple stuff. true. your word choice generally good, but there are still many dead words, as you should change it.there are couple sentences that have gotten wrong grammar, but it is still really okay. one more thing is that when you talk about your memories at Cat Tien, you wrote each quite short, next time you should write it longer and more details into your feelings and thought, not just what happened at there. After all your essay is good. Keep up your good work!
ReplyDeleteI think you should deserve 9.5/12
I really like your essay and I love the contents, very funny! :]
ReplyDeleteI think you should have used past tense because this happened in the past already.
Also, you didn't use any descriptive words to describe fun u felt and how scared you were. So I dont really get it. Sorry. You could say like '"my whole body trembled when I saw the spider."
But other than that, great job girl. I really like it.
I will give you a 9/12.